Lights, Camera.. Whoops

Oh, how convenient.

The Epstein list was totally real for years — just “classified,” “sensitive,” “under seal.” Now that people actually want it? Poof — “There is no list.” Like it never happened. Like we all collectively hallucinated an elite trafficking ring with its own private island.

Epstein “suicided” himself in the most secure jail in the country — during a camera nap, while the guards were in dreamland, and just enough footage vanished to keep things nice and vague. But trust the DOJ, folks — the part that’s missing definitely showed nothing important.

And now, Ghislaine Maxwell — the only person convicted in this magical ghost operation — says she’s thrilled to speak to Congress. Not because anyone asked. No one from the government’s ever wanted to hear a word out of her. But suddenly, she’s bursting with truth-telling energy.

Sure. No plea deal. No pressure. Just pure civic duty from a convicted sex trafficker who rubbed elbows with billionaires, princes, and presidents.
And the DOJ? They’re standing by their story: no list, no clients, no loose ends. Just a dead guy, a fall gal, and a suspiciously well-timed case of collective amnesia.

Let’s just hope Ghislaine doesn’t “trip and hang herself” with a roll of toilet paper before she spills the tea.
Because that would be… such a shock.