The Many Reasons Why I'm Quitting...

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frens, it's time I rip off the band-aid and just spill it. It has been a fun ride but it's time for me to go.

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The end.

It is with a heavy heart that I say this but... I'm quitting. It has been fun and I've made some great connections. I've hopefully spread a lot of joy and knowledge in my time here, but all good things must come to an end. I will never forget all the knowledge and amazing people I've interacted with. It has just become too much of a hassle to earn free money by writing about whatever I want. This is why I'm quitting...

I'm quitting worrying about other people's bullshit that doesn't affect me so I can focus on what really matters. Gotcha! Of course I'm not quitting Hive. It's April Fools day, ya damn fool. Now that you're here though, let's check out some funny products that were announced for the occasion.

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Perhaps my favorite April Fools tech I've seen so far is HyperX's grass key caps. This absolutely genius Grass Sense peripherals set lets you enjoy the feeling of going outside without leaving your computer.

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Not only will grass always be at your fingertips, it will be right at your nostrils too. This incredible innovation features that fresh-cut grass scent that we all love so much. They even mentioned that they could be dropping a Sativa one in states where the devil's lettuce is legal! Never go outside again.

To make sure your kids never go outside, make sure to get them the My First Cubicle play set! The hottest new toy from our friends over that Little Tikes. This amazing new play set will have your kid feeling the existential dread of working in a cubicle for 75% of their life before they can walk!

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I dunno about you, but being a kid as me was tough. I had to go outside and play sometimes, hell I even had to play on the computer some times. If only I'd had the My First Cubicle set to prepare me fore life. Give your kids a taste of the American dream and watch the soul leave their little bodies!

Definitely not as tasty as some good old existential dread, but Ben & Jerry's just dropped Scratch'N S'NFTs! You've heard people screaming about the actual utility of NFTs for the longest, and no one has really nailed it down. Well, I'll be the first to tell ya, Ben & Jerry's got pretty damn close! Have you ever wanted to scratch your NFT and smell it? Now you can.

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These limited edition Scratch'N S'NFTs will have you scratching and sniffing till your phone's screen cracks. How might these amazing collectors items work? Step 1 - Scratch. Step 2 - Sniff. That's it! You'll be swiftly punched straight in the nostrils with sweet scent of waffle cone smell the moment you scratch your NFT. Warning: Do not scratch more than 69 times.

This one really got me because I do a lot of 3D printing. FormLabs dropped the brand new revolutionary From 2D. This amazing new piece of technology is able to take words from a document and turn them into a reality! FormLabs is known for manufacturing some of the best 3D printers in the market, but now they've added a whole new dimension.

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2D printing is something that isn't talked about much anymore, but they're here to change that. Forget about all the frustration that comes with having depth! No more. 2D is the way of the future, and we all know it. 3D is just the government's way of controlling us and trying to suck us into the "metaverse".

There's so many more awesome hilarious products out there. Stuff like this makes me smile. I hope you had a laugh!

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Thanks for reading! Much love.

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11 comments
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Wow. The little tike my first cubicle blew me away. I could not bear to give that to a kid. Work is SO soul sucking my painful. I of course LOVED the grass keyboard though.

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You sonofabitch! HAHAHA!!! I’m about to clean my basement. I decided to take one last peruse through my feed. I vote a few things, read a few headlines and blurbs, then I see this. I instantly had to sit down…why leaving? I asked myself.

I got to the part about it being too much of a hassle to get paid for writing about whatever you want and was like, TF!?

I’m so damned gullible.

Anyway, you got me real good. Now, the basement…

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You hide your second wife and kids in the basement right? Just to keep them safe and not to hurt them right? xD

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HAHAHA!! One set of those is enough to keep me fully occupied my dude, but yeah, I keep them down there for the own safety, definitely LOL

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Hi why didn't you broke my heart even while joking. I know it's April fool but there was one day you celebrated your new follower milestone and I can get it off my head and I just saw this. Don't joke about this. You r a sensitive matter to me. !PIZZA

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April's fool, huh? Came here on the off chance that I could convince you to delegate to me before saying goodbye. Glad you're staying though!

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You got me man!

Good thing you're not going anywhere though!

!hivebits

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I am thinking it would be really scary to be in your head sometimes.

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