THE DEPRESSING DAYS

Depression is a subnormal thing that happens in life when fail to accomplish something in life. It may be a goal, maybe we made a mistake, lost some one precious to us or something. However, when you notice a friend that is depressed and cannot be controlled, there is need to ring an alarm before suicidal thoughts kicks in.

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The people who faced depression alot are people who hate talking to people about their problems. I am one such person, for two months I was constantly depressed, had no one to talk to because of my trust issues. It reached its peak and I had to voice out against my will but still did not feel any better.

It all started when we went for psychiatric experience about a year ago. Leading females is the worst thing that ever happened to me in my lifetime.

Being the leader, I was expected to head everything, which I did. We got to the venue of the experience which is to last for 2 months. I hustled out hostels for my coursemates to stay and Every one was comfortable. The only problem was that there is no water and light. We had to call a tanker to fill water into our GP tank, and also we had to join other schools to light up the hostel. They were about 5 schools that came for the experience. I did my calculations and everyone was to pay about N1.5k so that we can buy water twice a week and run light up the hostel for two weeks out of the 8 weeks we will stay in the place.

Everything was going smoothly until I decided to travel for a ceremony. I asked my assistant to takeover as I'm not around but she refused, I asked other people, including the males but they too refused, except for one guy. I instructed the guy on what to do and gave him morethan enough money before travelling.

A day into my trip, in the night, I started receiving calls from my course mates and the school authority. They were shouting,making noise, it was as if the school turned upside down. They said that I stole their money, travelled with it to go have fun with my girlfriend. They said that I have been stealing their money and I kept the in darkness. My ears heard what my mouth can not tell. They started insulting me in the Whatsapp group chat, even bringing up my relationship.

I was shocked, and had to call my assistant. She was not saying anything that made sense as she was bent on insulting me. I cut the phone and dropped it. At that point, I was getting annoyed so I did not pick any calls. A call entered, it was from a person I respected in my class, so reluctantly picked up. Thankfully, she was ready to hear me out. I narrated everything to her, told her that I gave one of our coursemate money for fuel and water. that was when she told me what was actually happening. I realized that it was the work of some of my course mates who wanted me to notice them and respect them but I did not. They seized the opportunity to dent my image, poison the minds of my course mates, then use them as pawns to attack me. I laughed when I realized it but deep down, I was really hurt. The caller gave me her advice and hung up.

She called back, told me that she narrated everything to them, but the same group of people were now asking why did I not give them the money? Why did I give it to the guy who turned out not to buy the fuel and water. She said that they told her to tell me to come and do an account for them (the group of people) and I responded that I will not. I will account to the class and not them.

After that, different thoughts start entering my mind. Those I helped, those that come to finance, advice and many other things are the ones turning against me at this moment and did not want to hear what I had to say. I was deep in thought I could not focus on anything.

After my trip, I went back to school but the attitude I was getting from the once lively students was like they had plan to do something bad to me.

To free my self, I gathered the class, did the account for them and handed everything over to them. When they realized that nothing was missing, everyone was then trying to light up and come close but I just left.

The thoughts lasted for months, the group of students did not stopped there as they continued with their mockery. Though it hurt, I did not show it. The ones that joined them initially as saw that I as not guilty tried to come back to being friends with me but I did not give them the space no more. I became detached, cold and very aggressive to anyone that tried to come close to me.

For about two months, I was in this state, sometimes I recall how the people I have helped turned their back on me and I cry.

One way I got my self back was through music. There is an open field in the school, so I go there every night, stand in the middle, plug in my earpod and blast my ears out with the highest volume my phone has to offer. I sing out loud with the music most times. After every round of music, I will always switch to Eminem - I'm not afraid. I will follow the lyrics aggressively with a very aggressive body movement. Sometimes, into close to a class and punch the walls so that everything will get off my chest. It worked for me though. When it reduced to an extent, I decided to talk to somebody about what I was passing through but honestly, nothing changed. Had to go back to the good old ways and until I became sane again.

The one lesson I learnt from the event was that: IF YOU DO GOOD, BAD WILL FOLLOW YOU. NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED. That doesn't mean you should do bad though, but it means that before doing good, be sure that the person is worth it.

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