5/29/24

I sometimes cannot believe I exist. Everything seems unfair. I've heard some quote once upon a time that said the human condition practically always experiences suffering and we can only interpret what we were born into. If that makes sense.

This notion makes me feel like a giant pussy LOL. I'm so tired and confused like all of the time.

I truly was raised by a defensive, angry woman. Maybe one day I'll stop harping on and on about my childhood. But I can't help it. Whenever I try to understand myself and the way that I am I can't help but look back on my upbringing. Maybe that's bad.

I've sort of conditioned myself to believe that my upbringing was normal. Maybe that's a cope but also maybe that's actually healthy. I don't know.

I don't know what I'm searching for. I don't know how to be content. Why am I not content? Why am I angry? Why am I blogging to literally nobody?

I love Hive and what it can provide potentially to society. I do.

I've been drinking for sure. I want to articulate further but I don't have the energy.

I probably should down some water. A lot of water honestly. Just get my crap together.

Nothing will be different in the morning but that's ok.

Maybe I want love. How do I know if someone actually loves me?

Actions? Feelings? Both? Should I even be seeking or demanding love? Should I just simply love and expect nothing in return? Is that how love is found?

Hive on folks.